Sunday, February 28, 2016

Sneak Preview of Chris Rock's Academy Awards Monologue

President Trump how do you all like that one?
So much for President Obama’s hope and change
He is the sort of change that I don’t think Obama was thinking about- a New York billionaire with enough gold fittings in his 757 to feed the population of Haiti for a month.

Good work Obama to have erased all memory of your campaign. Its as if you did not happen
we just went from the Bush to Trump without missing a beat. That healthcare stuff and saving the economy from fat cat predators like Trump--that did not really happen. You being the first black president --well that was kind of statistically interesting but not really that important in the long term march of progress.  We all  took the Kool Aid--now we are really so excited now to have new and improved healthcare, which means that we go back to our familiar Emergency Room doctor and our friends on Wall Street get to pay less taxes. But be grateful that you are not one of the  11 million illegals that will get deported back to Mexico.  We can all feel so much better to be protected from those rapists and thieves now they will be safely put behind that Mexico will pay for. That wall will also be a new tourist destination. A better legacy  than health care or even Trump Tower. And you can trust that Trump will surround himself with the best deal makers that money can buy.  While he is getting Mexico to pay for the wall they are planning how they can get the Saudis  to pay for the health care and Iran to pay for our nuclear weapons and China for our highways and bridges that are in a state of collapse. I mean he is only going to get the best talent.

I cannot wait to make America great again. I can see Chris Christie might get a job in your administration. How about Transportation secretary to make sure roads get closed at the right time for your limo parades down Trump Avenue--I mean Pennsylvania Avenue is such a boring name, we need some exciting upgrades to accompany that Trump Hotel you built down there in DC.  Maybe you can throw in the Lincoln bedroom as an upgrade to some visiting Saudi prince who knows who might come visiting.

I cannot also wait to see who you might pick as your next Supreme Court justice--who might it be--one of your sons? Your sister a federal judge would certainly qualify but we really don’t need so many females on the Supreme Court after all we have more now than at any time in our history and they can say irritating Megan Kelly type things that can upset you sometimes. We cannot have that.

But it will all be great, huge magnificent. Just like Trump University--that great institution of higher learning you built. Just like those Trump University students we will all study your one great book the "Art of the Deal" or was it the art of the scam. We dont need the Department of Education because its a drain on the Treasury. A better idea would be for people to pour their life savings into some scheme that will make them great millionaires or even billionaires just like you  as a result of  turning up to some drafty Holiday Inn Express somewhere and listening to some clown read from your award winning book.

Yes I can see students all over the country learning many patriotic lessons from your life story --
from the bribery investigation in New Jersey during the nineteen-seventies, to allegations that a Mafia-related company helped to build Trump Tower, to your hiring of illegals on your building projects. It will all make us so proud to have you as our next President. Something that will go down in history.